New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
