were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
