Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
