She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
