I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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