Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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