i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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