I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
