She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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