cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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