matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
