I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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