His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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