Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
sarcasm needs its own font
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
