When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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