so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
try to milk me bitch
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
