There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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