he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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