he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
