I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
