FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
