just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
