take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
