Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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