Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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