Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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