would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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