Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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