In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
