Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
