Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i think i scared a bird with my dick
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
