hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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