haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
