Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
