Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
