Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just invented taco cereal.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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