Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
