is wine microwaveable?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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