So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
