Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
