bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
