just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
