I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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