apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Panties = found
Randomize
