I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When are your genitals available?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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