Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
