If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize