Do you still have your period?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
this just has baby written all over it
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
