got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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