he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
