oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I cut my penus on the lid.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
