the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
