Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
