It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
