Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I could have mohawked her pubes.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
