i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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