I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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