i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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