and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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