So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
