I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize