dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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