I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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