Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
