forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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