This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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