it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The feeling are messing with the penis
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
