Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
