My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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