Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
