coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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