Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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