We just shotgunned beers for America
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
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