Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
