I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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