If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
