dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
